The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
