Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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