a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
