I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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