you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
whose parrot is this?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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