i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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