Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
