I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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