you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
