A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
