God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
