I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
