Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
birth control should be required to get into college
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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