ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize