she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
