I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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