WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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