Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
