Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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