I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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