JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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