I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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