I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
