was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
