Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
