I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
