it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
