There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
