dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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