he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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