I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
