I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
