I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
