I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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