I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
