Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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