I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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