in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
