This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
