Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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