Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
