how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
