..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
