So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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