why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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