You really coming over, don't trick.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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