Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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