I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
