My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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