I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
