just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
