Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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