Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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