The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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