my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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