I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
