So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
