That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
