If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
