i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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