You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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