I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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