I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
