i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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