WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
