i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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