Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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