I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
