mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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