I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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