I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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