If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
