Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
