You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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