That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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