I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
did i walk over a car last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
