im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
