I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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