wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
