Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
