at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
