Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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