Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
