I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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