So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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