my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
