Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize