yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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